Barfing up your Cake

 Paulie Mordheim linked a video yesterday into our group chat, I’ll link it here:

I listened to the whole video, and found myself initially defensive, then understanding, then confused and ultimately realized that the video's creator had read way more fantasy than me and I could agree on the parts that I felt qualified to agree with. I had to chalk the rest up to finding out if I eventually read these other fantasy books. 

I spent a long time last night with it bouncing around in my head. She sums up the video basically saying if you write with a formula it’ll always be derivative and it will, at most, just be “entertaining” and it would be hard (if not impossible) to create good “literature” by writing this way. As I said, my thoughts went all over, and I started thinking about what books are if they aren’t made commercially available? There’s no way I’m gonna find something if I can’t - you know - buy the damn thing. So I spent my time not really sure what to do with the information she just laid out. 

Ok - so it’s all derived, formulaic, and expendable, but if modern fantasy is ALL just Tolkien run-off, how would it be possible to actually break away and sell your book?

Then it dawned on me, as most obvious things do because it takes me forever to process info sometimes haha - that she isn’t saying we should break away from the formula with the end goal of being the next Tolkien (although she loses me when she talks about being on the bookshelf next to him), but instead she is saying that we should throw caution to the wind and write. Just do the damn thing. Get out of our own way and just let the words flow. We’ve gotta stop thinking about our work as a commodity to be bought and sold, and instead as a vessel for self discovery. 

Tolkien did this (and she starts the video by saying such). He was just having a grand old time being silly and serious in his made-up world. The rest of us took it and ran with it. 

The video’s creator is saying that by sticking to a formula, we are selling ourselves short. We are cheapening the actual goal of creating any art, which is to act as a funnel and translate all of our interests, loves, and fixations into a blender and dump them out on the table. Then move that sloppy mess around until we come up with something deeply personal and meaningful, which probably isn’t - ummm very “good” in the eyes of the publishing houses (or maybe even your friends ha!) but it moves the chains along into personal discovery. It’s hard to explain our personal identity to another person in it's literal sense - but barfing up something creative, helps to do the translating, and helps us better understand ourselves. 

I thought about this then through the lens of wargaming and RPGs. These worlds are also kinda derivative. I’m not sure from where exactly, and I’m not gonna say Warhammer and DnD because it’s older than that for sure (and I don’t want to be yelled at), but we've got a lot of stuff that feels kind of the same, with a different skin over it. However RPGs have certainly broken away in the indie world, while Gage would know more, I can say Ten Candles,  De Profundis, and A Quiet Year as examples of stuff I’ve heard of but never really played (sorry!). Wargaming though kinda struggles right? I mean OPR, Warhammer, Forbidden Psalm? Kinda pretty similar. 

Then I thought about Space Gits - how Mike Hutchinson made something that feels so fresh to me. Something that seems to have his individual stamp on it, his own flavor. Something that was very passionately made, something that in my eyes breaks the mold. It is possible, even if it requires a bit more tooling around with.

Another example of this is Bread & Puppet theatre (Cheap Art) which does a better job breaking this down more poetically than I ever could. Shout out Chris (@landlines on IRWT) who was the one who sent this my way, and made some amazing stickers using the manifesto as inspiration!

I’m rambling a little bit, now so let me tie it all up. We’re in a competitive age, everyone is slipping on the ring, vying for the Eye of the Almighty Dollar to please see it and send all the orcs their way. It’s become the end goal for most people, in fact, making money on something has become so engrained in creative pursuits that usually the second thought after “this is kinda fun” is “I gotta find a way to make money on this.”

To find out who we truly are before we die (sorry!) we’ve gotta break free of the “grind set” thought process. We’ve gotta break free of the industrial assembly line way of making stuff, and we’ve gotta start just enjoying the act of DOING again. The barfing on the page, canvas, miniature, whatever - and seeing what the hell comes out when we funnel our unfiltered brains into them. 

In the eyes of the people running around wallets in hand, it’ll probably “suck.” But it’s your damn baby, let it grow and develop until it becomes a monster of its own.

A little slice of cake you get all to yourself

Make First, Think Second.

Analysis paralysis is a helluva thing to deal with. We’ve all been there, excited by a new technique, a new art form that we've never tried, maybe it’s someone's style we are gripped by for the moment or perhaps we get an idea for a wargaming scenario or campaign we’d like to develop. 

Whatever it is, it gets us excited, and our brain fires on all cylinders. We’re stoked to get going. It's that little kid energy. Then we freeze up. We're adults. We don’t know how, we don’t know how to do it like the person who gave us the idea, we get nervous that it won’t quite look right. So we dive into the Pinterest boards, the YouTube videos, the Google searches and look for the answer. 

There we find that there are about 100 different ways to skin our cat, and of course there’s someone telling you somewhere along the way that there’s a “right way” and a “wrong way” of tackling your project. By this point, well, you’re probably discouraged, maybe you realize “oh this is expensive” or start doubting your abilities. Well, don’t worry because you’ve blown all you excitement staring at your computer screen. Or dare I say, just as bad, you’ve listed out your game plan in a notebook or drawn some ideas in your sketchbook and have now gotten yer fill of it.

Also now there’s some other shiny idea that’s crossed your path and your off chasing another butterfly 

Here’s and alternative though. Give it a go, trust your abilities and instincts. Let your hands do the thinking for you. Grab a mini and put paint on it, or a canvas and slap that brush here and there. Drill that 2x4 into the wall, jump on the skateboard before you jump on your keyboard and search “how to…” 

Try to work out the idea in your head as you go. 

In an era of perfectionism, public display, and scrutiny, it's hard for us to get out of our own way. We see these people who've "figured it out" and think we've got no shot so why try. We've forgotten, or maybe never learned, how to improvise. No one's got it all figured out, and no one has ever learned how to face problems by trying to solve them before they even arise.

When you come up with an idea, in your heart, you know what to do. You've gotta act. You've gotta start. You've got to exorcise that idea, and you've gotta do it quick. 

Get something down, do something, and when you hit a problem you don't know how to handle - don't look to the internet, look inside yourself, how can YOU solve this problem. Even if it's not the "right way," it's ok for something to be "your way."

After you've gone and done it, then comes the thinking - what went well, what could I do next time, do I wanna do a next time? At least you've done it once. A lot of times, riding the first wave leads you to the second. The stoke builds - because you see it in action.

All of life is improvisational.

Anyway, just a little rant I thought of in my shower last night. Don't worry so much, no one is looking, so fuck around a while and see what happens. 

I bet you'll have more fun anyway, maybe get those hands dirty.

Did y'all know you can just turn it off?

Since having a daughter a little over a year ago, I've learned quite a bit. Both about raising a little animal which runs around my house, but also what it means to be a human animal myself. I've grown increasingly negative (ok, I've been a hater, Matty Knucks will call me a luddite) towards technology. This started before having a kid, but it has fired up tenfold since having to navigate what my personal time looks like now.

I'm a pretty routine driven person, a creature of habit, and loving the modelmaking/miniature painting hobby, I made sure that that time was protected for me. After my family all snuggles up for the night, I slink away to my dungeon and chew at whatever project I'm working on for an hour or so before turning in myself. 

Aside from that peaceful hour, I have been feeling more and more like I spend the rest of my day racing. One thing to the next. Emotions always running high, and when I do hit a bump in the road, I become overwhelmed. I'm topped out - how could I possibly fit fixing the washing machine into my already packed-up schedule.

Now, like I said, I already knew this little box in my pocket where all my friends are (to borrow a phrase from my friend Brad @bitsbiborks) was a huge timesuck. So I did some of the work of breaking away from it. I put a limit on my discord time, and only my wife knows the password, and I'd feel defeated asking her for more time. I've deleted the Instagram app after years of trying to find a healthy way to use it (I still have my account just in case I want to go back!! It's tendrils lie dormant within me!). However I still feel like - even with those apps stifled - I end up on some stupid shit like youtube shorts or pinterest, being pummeled with ads and bullshit "hacks." I look up from my phone and 10 minutes have passed and I feel braindead, more overwhelmed and no better for it. I'm so attached, I am constantly responding to people, checking emails, the weather, my bank, whatever - and for what? To fill my already limited minutes?

That's when I got the beautifully stupid simple idea of just turning it off. When I don't need it, why even have it on? I have an iphone - and this stupid thing takes like 15 seconds to boot up, then all my messaged and apps have to load back up, which is enough time for me to say "eh, it's not worth it" to check how old Danny DeVito is, what day daylight savings is, how is Bam Margera doing or see if it's going to rain later. This last week I've been doing this whenever I don't need my phone. My wife has my work number if there's an actual emergency, so I'm not too worried about some catastrophe happening. 

I've gotta say - the world has really opened up. It's too annoying to boot this shit back up so instead I just either do some task/chore I have to do, or I just look at stuff like we did when we were kids. Seems so dumb, but I just putt around and find something to do. I have my sketchbook, I think about what I'm doing in the workshop, I go find someone at work to bug, whatever - but I don't close off to the world like I used to do with my screen. I feel less overwhelmed and braindead, and I can focus (kinda haha). I know what I have to do, I have no reason not to do it, and it's more appealing with out the allure of this dopamine mine in my pocket

If you feel up to it, just try it, even for a half hour. See how many dumbass reasons you pickup your phone only to realize that it is not only unneeded information/action - but that this would probably lead you to being in a phone-hole looking up the economic state of Egypt in the 1890's, with nothing to do with this information other than to promptly forget it when you pull yourself away from screenville.

You may not be "more productive" (which is another trap I won't touch), but you might find that maybe you can breathe a little bit and that the red cardinal that just flew into the bush looks awful bright against all this damn snow you've been cursing on about.

xoxox

J Dilla

When I was younger, I think in college, I started getting into all the hip hop that Stone's Throw was putting out. I used to eat up whatever I could find through mediafire links on my (still very wonderful) iPod classic. 

I remember listening to all this music, and not being able to describe why I liked it so much. It hit so differently than the music that was on the radio, and it had a crudeness to it that I also wasn't able to define at the time.

I had a friend named Andy during in my late teens. I remember seeing his stickers all over the streets of my home town. He'd make these really abstract, amorphous, weird characters out of vinyl sheets and stick 'em up on stop signs and the electrical boxes you see by the stop lights. I loved them and eventually tracked him down and we started hanging out.

I got into art through writing on walls and making stencils. I liked Andy because what he was doing wasn't your typical graffiti - he wasn't thinking about the fact that it was so different (at least I don't think so,) he was just a early 20's freak who didn't really care to be doing what everyone else is doing. We all should be so lucky to have a catalyst like this kid was for me.

He had a SP-404 and he was always making these weird little lofi beats (before it was cool!), and I thought it was so neat. He was the one that got me into Madlib, MF Doom, J Dilla, etc. 

While I used to listen to J Dilla, he was always my least favorite of those three - mostly I was a Madlib (and associated projects) guy. I know the album Donuts front to back, but by osmosis - I'd throw it on from time to time.

I relistened to it this morning on the way to school, influenced by some YouTube short (the plague of short content!) and was absolutely melted by it. 

Since college my music taste has gone all over, but I've always appreciated texture, abstraction and most of all a sound clip/sample! J Dilla had the abstract track layering of Aphex Twin and the texture and sound collage of an artist like Muslimgauze (and plenty more) all wrapped up in a "hip hop" package. 

Relistening to music, relooking at artworks, and revisiting places that you have enjoyed in the past can be wonderfully deep wells of inspiration and revelation. It can sometimes be a peek into why you are the way you are. Something that has rooted itself deep with-in you, or helped the already planted identity grow.

I never could have imagined that I'd discover a link between the grainy, textured, stretched and rich drawings of John Blanche and the same style conveyed through the beats of J Dilla, yet here we are, it's all blended together in the media processor of the brain.

While I might know more than I did when I was 20, past experiences paved the way for the hobbyist I am now, who knows what the future holds.

Stay open, look back, and build forward.

xoxo

P.S. Here's a cool little video that sums up some of what I'm talking about:

Tool Hoarding and Narrative Wargaming

 As I've been cleaning, purging, and reorganizing my newly reclaimed workshop, one of the most daunting tasks is processing all of the tools that I have acquired over the years. 

My dad used to work for Stanley Works in New Britain, CT. One of the last hold-outs when production was all moving overseas. He was there for 20 years or so, and in that time had assembled a very impressive collection of tools. 

Every Christmas and birthday, we were usually given some sort of limited edition, or prototype tool that he had squirreled away from work, until we, in our early 20's had our own huge tool collection to figure out what the hell to do with.

I don't think this story is wildly different than most men across the world. Dad passes his tools down when he gets something better, and then the children are burdened by a lot of heavy, sentimental, and (sometimes) quality tools they need to find something to do with.

So I'm working through all the screwdrivers, the socket sets, the toolboxes of varying qualities, the wrenches big and small and all the other literal nuts and bolts that I've packed up, moved around to different living situations, until it finally ended up crowding my current work space.

We end up torn between two demons. One the sentimental "my dad gave me this, and I love him" mentality, and the equally damning "This is useful and would be a shame to throw out." 

Yet both of these hold us back from really appreciating the tools we have. 

Most of you reading this probably are also wargamers (apologies that my posts are typically just digital diary entries), and as wargamers we are familiar with the heroes we create. The more we use those warlords, the deeper the lore develops. They become increasingly important to us, we think fondly about their come-from-behind victories, and laugh at the time we rolled all ones, and their head was split open. 

The more we use our toys, the more meaning they have to us.

If we spread our time among too many of our heroes, we never give them the time they need to breathe and come to life. We never get a chance to respect and give power to these little inanimate objects.

If I strip these tools down in the same way - I give them a similar power. Having one #2 Philips head screwdriver means that it goes from being just A screwdriver, to being MY screwdriver. When it's time to use it, I'll grab my familiar friend and take him along on another adventure. My screwdriver gets a chance to come alive. His story and my story become one, and one day - if he gets lost, stolen, or broken, then his story gets to end. He isn't trashed as just a broken screwdriver, but gets a pause and a head nod from me, a job well done from a good friend of mine.

I'll end with a great quote from Marie Kondo:

“By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past. If just stow these things away in a drawer or cardboard box, before you realize it, your past will become a weight that holds you back and keeps you from living in the here and now. To put things in order means to put your past in order.”

Be well friends,

xoxo

Purging

Well, it's finally started. after reading Marie Kondo's book years ago, and getting rid of most of my clothes, I've finally gotten around to chipping away at all the other stuff in my life.

Over the summer my wife suggested we get rid of this old (1970's) couch that had been beat-up and travelled with us from our old apartment, as well as getting rid of an ill-fitting, equally beat-up Ikea entertainment center that I had used metal brackets to hold together. 

This was after the rush of my clothes purge had happened, and I remember thinking - "well I don't know, there's a lot of stuff on that entertainment center, where does it all go?" Thanks to some wifely coercion though, I chopped it up with my father-in-laws sawzall and hauled it off to the dump along with the couch.

I had a pang of regret while heaving these into the dumpster, and it felt that I was contributing to the world's problem of never ending junk piles.

By the time I got home however, Sarah had redone the space, and man - it looked great! everything fit better and felt lighter, and I enjoyed sitting on the sole remaining couch. It gave our baby more room to putt around in and ignited in my a compulsion to continue this reevaluation of possessions.

About a month into this venture, slowly weeding through items, like dipping a toe into a pool and dealing with the shock of the cold as your body tries to adjust, I saw the movie Perfect Days, by Wim Wender. It proved to be another turning point, giving me the drive to just dive into the pool and start really making progress.

If you aren't familiar with Perfect Days, its a beautiful slice-of-life film about a public restroom custodian living one of the most thoughtful and satisfying lives you can imagine. I'm a sucker for routines, cassette tapes, Buddhism, film photography and (now) organization/space so it was about at "terry-pilled" as you can get.

So I just started going for it, being more aggressive, diving in. I was evaluating things more harshly, really ripping the weeds out of the garden. Filling trashcans and taking dump runs once or twice a week to throw things out. Sarah and I have stopped buying things (thankfully) since having our child and going down to one income, so that helped maintain the outward flow of garbage.

The biggest thing I've learned - it's easy to accumulate a LOT of junk. It never seems like junk when you get it, it all has a purpose. A side-of-the-road bookcase to organize the boardgames you haven't ever touched, or a beat-up table to go onto the deck you never use. It all feels organized, until you start to look at it with decluttering eyes. 

So the purge takes forever. Going through each item. When was the last time you played Risk? oh, never. Throw it out. This drywall drill that I used once about ten years ago that came from goodwill for 14.99? back to goodwill. All these things taking up space. Space I could use to do things that I love. Space that I could use to fix things that had broken, that I would love to have again. 

When it's all filled with packed bookcases and plastic drawer units, you become accustomed to using the same small areas of space, inside big areas of unusable space.

I should say that I wasn't a hoarder - but eventually the walls feel like they are closing in. and once you get rid of your first side of the road shelving unit, and realize that each piece of furniture you get rid of is like putting a small addition onto your house. You get excited - and then overwhelmed by how much further you have to go.

Anyway, best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

As corny as it is, I think about that Fight Club quote "The things you own end up owning you." 

It never had so much meaning until now.

Summer Time :)

Teachers may not be paid what they should, and specifically in my state it's mandated that we spend more money to get a Master's degree to continue teaching (as if there wasn't already a shortage), but when it comes to summer time - it makes the whole damn year worth it.

I've certainly figured out about myself that I am more "productive" when I am teaching. I have a routine which I stick to, I can't be out late, so I have a little time to myself to get some painting or other projects done. However, getting some time to let go of this structure is nice in it's own way.

Lately, between spending my nights hitting the Hive Scum studio, building/painting stuff (or goofing off), and I just came back from a vacation to Cape Cod. These breaks in routine tend to shake it all up for me and I learn to slow down again.

Hobby-wise I've been painting Brothers of Promethium. No real plan for how I'm doing them other than a loose "they're like raiders from Fallout: New Vegas with Techno-animal guards" and I've slowed down tremendously after become a bit overwhelmed with the Skaven project.

It feels good, taking the models three at a time, spending about an hour each night. I have a primed model which I basecoat, quickly using wetblending to cram in shadows. Another which was basecoated the night before that I apply washes to. Finally a third one that received the wash treatment the night before that I highlight and finish the base rim for. It's a nice little system that lets me move forward with a project, but allows me the satisfaction of seeing something finished.

Been thinking lately about what has frustrated me with Skaven, but what "fills my bucket" with this project and it's that this warband feels well thought out, and unique. I feel invested in the idea, and the project feels finite (collectively being 13 models and 600 pts. in OPR). I had the thought last night that painting an army, or creating an entire converted army wouldn't be so hard if instead of thinking about the army as a whole - I thought about them in standalone units. This would allow me to tinker and bash at my own pace and slow-grow the force rather than overwhelm myself.

Anyway - you learn more about yourself every day haha

Here's a couple examples of finished models:

Posting will probably slow down a bit with summer here, but I'll update when I can!

xoxo 

TR

Switching It Up

The other night I was having a little bit of a crisis. 

I've been trying to stay away from screens in general, not just my phone, but also my computer and my TV. Of course it's not removed completely, but I find the only way I can actually limit things at all is to "remove completely." Giving myself a limit of "just a little bit" ultimately results in me ignoring those limits.

Not sure it makes sense, as I still use the computer and stuff, but my mindset around it is more "i can't be doing this" rather than, "well, this will be the small amount I can do today," for my brain, it's what it needs.

I've been trying to find things to fill my time with. My thought is that if I'm busy, I won't have time to be in front of a screen. I've got plenty - drawing, painting, miniatures, cleaning, working out, birdwatching, and I've recently added playing the guitar, gardening/yardwork and this blog to the mix.

Idle hands are the devil's workshop and all that...

That being said, and even though I have all these things, I still had a moment of crisis.

I sat there, phone in hand, watching YouTube shorts or some other brainrot media, and was feeling bad because I didn't WANT to paint miniatures at that moment, but that's what I typically did at that point in my daily routine. Not wanting to paint minis hasn't happened in a bit and I started spiraling downward and dragging my feet. I felt guilty and I didn't know what to do so I sat there. 

It wasn't until I was reminded by my wife (one of the greatest benefits of marriage) that I had other avenues. 

Duh - of course... 

Even though I knew I had these other things, my brain still couldn't break the habit of "always painting miniatures at this time." Which really shows you how baked in these habits can get

So I started messing around with making some collage and painting a bit, not to "create artwork" just to play. Sort of little clay squish through your fingers but on a 2D surface, I let my mind go for a bit and it felt great. 

Not much of note in this post - but if you are feeling stuck, or feeling lost in phoneville, maybe try mixing it up, go engage with something you haven't done in a bit, think of all your options and decide which is most appealing without judging.

xoxox

TR

Whistlin'

Although it's not something that often comes up in our hobby-focused crowd, I'm a big fan of baseball and try my best to follow the Red Sox. I don't have a way to stream it, nor would I have the time to really sit down and watch a game, but I will listen on the radio and I watch the highlights on YouTube every day.

On 5/29 the National Anthem was performed by Chris Ullman, a "4x International Whistling Champion." 

I'm a gatherer of what I refer to as passive hobbies, things that you can do while killin' time. I carry a little sketchbook with me to draw and I'm a big fan of birdwatching, but whistling is something that could fit right in there. You don't need to carry anything, it's fun to do, and just like anything - the more you do it the better you'll get.

Of course - there's people that take it more seriously than others. The video below features International Grand Champion Sean Lomax, and he has some great tips on how to improve your whistling, but just like in any hobby - there are things he says you "need to do" or "should be doing." Ultimately though (obviously) you can just have fun and play with nothing at all.

Here's another great video of a man named Roger Whittaker whistling while playing his guitar:

Hobbies are great. Doing things is fun, and typically we see being bored as a "bad thing." Instead of reaching for your phone next time you need to kill time - take a look around, whistle a tune, or maybe pull out your sketchbook and do your best to draw the next person or animal you see. 

Thanks to this chance encounter with Chris Ullman, I've got a new found love.

Ok I'll leave you with one more quick video of him from 1994:

xoxo

TR

Folk Art and Pure Creative Expression

I'm not shy about my opinions regarding display-level miniature painting. I think it is wonderful if this style brings you joy, and I understand the appeal of spending dozens of hours on one project, slowly solving all the pieces of the puzzle until you get something very refined. However, I've always championed a style that is more crude, quick, and, in my opinion, has a more dynamic character.

Over the past couple of days, I've been digging into the work of American Folk artists. As an art teacher, I hadn't held them in particularly high regard, having been trained to see the "true" artists we learned about in Art History class.

It started when I saw a YouTube video about Coulter Jacobs by a channel called Monster Children. I started thinking about him and how he would abstract traditional tattoo designs (already rooted in Folk Art) into something unique that combined these elements with a crude, outsider-ness.

When we think of artists, we likely think of the "greats"—Monet, van Gogh, Picasso, Warhol—all artists we learned about in elementary school, and whose names are frequently mentioned. However, these artists have styles rooted in rebellion, crudeness, and experimentation that gets forgotten over time as they become household names.

So why do we hold ourselves to such unnatural standards when creating? Why not embrace the inner child, turn off the brain, and just make? Why do our goals as creators often aim to render something to a photographic level or be as realistic as a Bernini sculpture, when most of the artists we admire actively worked against that?

This is why Folk Art has been inspiring me so much lately. Artists in this category often have no formal training and operate outside the Eurocentric, perfection-driven art world. They create for the sake of creating and for fun, and their output is often extraordinary. In turn, their styles develop and their voices become more pronounced through their work.

As creatives, we need to shed this need for perfection and embrace the chaos that comes with child-like play.

I'm reading The Little Prince to my daughter (she can't understand it, but it's entertaining for me!), and a quote sticks out:

“Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them”

Here are a couple videos about folk artists that have influenced me:

'Make' Outsider Art Documentary

COULTER JACOBS

Outsider Art from The Inside

Have fun, get messy, let loose, nothing really matters!

TR 

xoxo

Collage

Been adding a lot of collage elements into my artwork lately. 

Love the hobby, but I find this is a nice way to create two dimensional work as well. They make great gifts/giveaways, and are a fun and easy way to engage in aesthetic thinking without having to really know what you are doing. Play with messy paint, rip up magazines, add stamps - the list goes on and on when mixing media. If you don't consider yourself an "artist" I would consider trying this way of working, no rules, just playing!

Here are some of the ones that I finished:

I lean into the messy side of this - cutting them down to be clean squares when I've felt like I've added enough, but express yourself in your own way and just have fun.

xoxo

TR